Miscellaneous (한 + EN)

Cool Girl

2019-09-26 23:46
(2019. 2. 22)

He loved a girl who doesn't exist. A girl I was pretending to be. The Cool Girl. Men always use that as the defining compliment, right? She’s a cool girl. Being Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker and dirty jokes, who plays videogames and chugs beer- loves threesomes and anal sex and jams chilidogs into my mouth like I’m hosting the world's biggest culinary gang-bang- while remaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool girls never get angry at their men, they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner. Go ahead! Shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the cool girl.

Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. Cool Girl. Men always use that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Cool Girl is fun. Cool Girl is game. Cool Girl is hot. Cool Girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner and then presents her mouth for fucking. Go ahead! Cum on me! I don’t mind, I’m Cool Girl. … Cool Girl likes what he likes and puts him first and does it all with a fucking smile.

I waited years for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to read Jane Austen and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say, yeah, he’s a cool guy.

I will admit: For someone who likes to win, it’s tempting to be the girl every guy wants. When I met Nick I knew he wanted: Cool Girl. For him, I was willing to try. I wax-stripped my pussy raw and blew him regularly. I drank bourbon and bantered. I laughed at my mistakes. I made fun of myself. I was game. Nick teased things out in me I didn’t know existed: A lightness, a humor, an ease. And I made him smarter, sharper. I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams. We were happy pretending to be other people. We were the happiest couple we knew.

But Nick got lazy. He became someone I did not agree to marry. And he actually expected me to love him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless, to the navel of the country and found himself a newer, younger, easier Cool Girl.

You think I would let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No. Never. He doesn’t get to fucking win. He needs to learn. Grown-ups work for things. Grown-ups pay. Grown-ups suffer consequences.

— Cool Girl Monologue (Film-version script of Gone Girl; Originally written by Gillian Flynn)